Ahhhhhhhhh the terrible twos

Well as you well know I have a five year old- but I think we are just evolving into the terrible twos :( Robert tells me it will be a year to year and a half of this non stop screaming, ranting, foot stomping fun.....God help me! Things are going well at the Freeman/Hazlip household- getting all settled in and unpacking. Lucas is testing limits as new rules are being(or trying to be) enforced here, and much to his chagrin I might add. Alas mommy is happy and therefor Lucas WILL be happy! I run this house, by golly, not the five year old! Well if I keep telling myself that it may be true, right???

Rough, rough day...............

I knew there was a reason I waited until I was over 30 to have a child..................God knew there was no way I was ready for one a moment sooner, especially since he knew I would have Lucas :) He is my sweet baby boy, but today was one of those days that make you wanna run, run away as fast and far as you can go. He woke up at 3 and did not go back to sleep until 630, slept until 8, then I forced him to go to school until 12 as I had to go to work, and then I tried to get him to take a nap after school.
Well anyone who knows my son well knows that he has not napped but about 5 times in the past 2.5 years, so that = a sucky afternoon! He cried, threw fits, screamed, had meltdowns (for those who are not lucky enough to be around an autistic child- meltdowns are like tantrums but nothing can be reasoned with or disciplined to stop it- has to run its course), and was generally very unhappy with mommy ALL DAY LONG! Well he was fine as long as he got his way, but everytime he was told no or it is not time for that he freaked. Keeps this up, we will be going to the dr. tomorrow to rule out rottenness vs. illness. So hard to tell sometimes.
On top of all of this I am missing my honey terribly, and hate to see him so stressed with his own stuff; sometimes I hate to dump my stress onto him or anyone else :(
Yes, I am throwing a small pity party- no one is invited- just me.................I just really hate autism some days more than others, and today is one of those days. If he could tell me what was wrong, I could try to fix it. If he was able to say my tummy hurts or I am mad it would make it easier to get to the source of the problem. When I can't figure it out, he just gets more frustrated. I went to work today for new teacher orientation, and I met an overly bubbly teacher who is teaching second grade and asked what "Theme" my room was going to be in?????? Theme???? I am running on 3 hours of sleep and she wants to know if I have a theme???? Geez..........told her no, hadn't come up with one yet. Trying to catch my sanity right now :)
Anyway thanks for listening, hoping for a better day tomorrow, and for now, I am enjoying listening to my son sleep blissfully in his bed........... ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

So excited I can't sleep!

Ok so here goes some nauseating talk..................I am up, 2 am, can't sleep- why? Because of all the great things going on this week- so much to do-until I get to be with my love everyday! Robert, Lukey and I spent the day together Saturday while he worked on replacing boards on the porch and I worked on entertaining Lucas and it was such a nice day :) Lucas wanted to be outside watching him use the saw and cut boards- everytime he used it Lukey laughed. Surprised me- I thought that it would scare him. Never know with that boy.
Getting geared up to move next weekend! Going out of town with my girlfriend Emily Friday and Saturday, coming home, and getting moved on Sunday!!! People are asking me if I am nervous and my answer is NOOO! Ready? Yes!!!!!! I want to say- why would I not be ready? I have been looking for this man all my 36 years and I finally found him- so yes I am ready!!!!!!!!!!!
I feel so blessed to have such wonderful people in my life- my mom, sister, Mimi, friends, and of course Robert and Lukey. Those two men make my world go around and I am thankful for that each and everyday.

Pictures from July 4th- AKA engagement day :)

Well July 4th will never again be just Independence Day, or Jill's birthday- it is also the day that my sweet wonderful boyfriend proposed to me :) It is a moment I will never forget and will cherish always. I had a house full of people and as I can only post a few pics on this blog at a time everyone is not on here (mom- I am talking to you!!!) So no hurt feelings- just able to post a few. So very happy and excited about the future!

Happy birthday to me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Wish and you shall receive??? I think so :) My wonderful, awesome, fabulous, caring, understanding, patient, loving, thoughtful, and incredibly kind boyfriend proposed to me on my birthday!!! Of course the answer was yes! I could not believe it! Yes we had discussed getting married one day, and we are going to live together within the next 2 weeks, but the proposal was a complete surprise!!! He wrote will you marry me in my birthday card and made me read it aloud to everyone there- very sweet! I am so glad that my friends and family were there to share in the happy event and have memories with me that will last a lifetime.

So to my wonderful Robert- thank you for loving me the way that you so, accepting Lukey and I just as we are, and wanting to truly and lovingly spend your life with us always. Words can never express what your love means to me. I can't wait to be your wife :) XOXOXOXOXOXO

I......got........a...........job!!!!!!

WOOOOOO HOOOOOO!!! I am so excited! I got a teaching job in Lumberton teaching 2nd grade! I start August 3rd and I am so thrilled! Yes I am still moving to Bridge City, and yes I will commute back and forth but it is all good! Lukey will stay in school in Lumberton and I will be dropping him off before school and having some tried and true sitters watching him after school. God is so good! I feel like the luckiest gal in the world :)

Big changes.............

Oh man life is like a roller coster sometimes! I rented out my house and plan on moving to B City then guess what- I get a teaching job interview in Lumberton! Geezz........................oh well- I am excited none the less.
Lukey has been at his dad's house for almost a week and I miss my little man so much. He has been a good boy and I went to see him once this week- couldn't stand it anymore! He is doing well at speech therapy and learning everyday- makes a mommy proud :)
Life is still good, happy and full of love- what more could a girl want??? :)

Life is good!!!!!!!!!

WOW! So much is happening in my life right now- it is a little bit crazy at times- but it is all good stuff! I know you may be thinking, oh good! She found a teaching job! Well- no- not that- no luck yet :( But- everything else in my life is wonderful.

I am going to continue to work with Rebecca until I find a teaching job. She is on her own and needs my help now more than ever, and I will happily continue doing things to help her stay independent. I am through with school for a while- and that is a nice change of pace :) (See- good things!)

I am also, for those of you who are under a rock, madly in love and couldn't be any happier if I tried. I finally found a wonderful man who loves me, appreciates me, cares not only for me but for Lukey as well. He is sweet, thoughtful, real, my best friend, and my everything. He is a rare find- the kind of man a girl could only hope and pray for. Well I did hope, I did pray, and through many rough trial and tribulations I finally found him. I am grateful every single day to have him in my life.

Sooooooooo...........I am pleased to report that Robert, Lukey and I will all be living together by the end of summer! I am renting out my house and moving in with him in Bridge City! I am beyond excited- I can't get packed soon enough! I am taking about 6 weeks so that I can have time to get Lukey adjusted over there through lots of visits and swimming in the pool :) He seems thus far to enjoy going over there and cries when we leave- so I take that as a good sign. I will post some pics and more details soon- but as far as why I am so freakin happy- that is why!!!

On the summer agenda..........potty training!!!!

Well ladies and gentlemen, we are well into the world of potty adventures. We started 5 days ago and so far, so good!?!?!? He was all about the candy day 1, then day 2 rebelled quite a bit- screaming and running from me every time I said words like candy, tee tee, potty, etc. Day 3 was a bit better- and yesterday he did great. Today he is just in such a pissy mood, sorry it is the only word that is fitting :) that I am unsure if he is bored, tired of looking at me, or tired of peeing every thirty minutes.

I tried the adorable big boy undies day 2 and it was NO deterrent to keep him from peeing all over the house. Did not seem to bother him in the least that his clothes were all wet. So we are continuing on with Pull ups until further notice. In undies, accidents every time- in pull ups, never. WHAT THE ????????????????? Oh well- I don't call it potty adventures for no reason!

Things are great in the world of Jill as well. I am very looking forward to him starting summer school on Monday at 800 am- but who is counting? Summers and holidays are always rough- he just gets so out of his routine that he stays agitated. I keep hoping it will improve over time but so such luck so far. Still so happy I nauseate most people around me- you know who you are! I simply say Sorry if you can't handle how happy I am, go find some grumpy people to spend your time with. I am just not there anymore- thankfully. It is nice to be truly happy, in love, and love life every day. I am very, truly blessed!

Ahhhhhh answers....................

Well today was an interesting day- we had a follow up appointment with a developmental pediatrician to re- evaluate Lukey's level of autism. We took him to Texas Childrens Hospital today to re-assess him as it has been 4 years since we first received the diagnoses of autism. As most of you know, I noticed signs of autism in Lukey at 12 months of age, approached his pediatrician about my concerns at 15 months, and he was diagnosed at 16 months in June of 2006. They gave him a blanket diagnoses of PDD (Pervasive Developmental Disorder), which is what almost all children with signs early in life are classified as. That meant that he was showing enough autistic tendencies to have a diagnoses, but not yet enough to decide which category to place him in.

There are 3 categories of autism- PDD, Classic Autism, and Asperger's. PDD is the mildest form, with developmental delays and some speech/motor skills impairments or delays. Classic autism is the most severe of of the three- it effects all aspects of life- social, cognitive, developmental, reaching milestones, speech,gross/fine motor skills. Asperger's is considered the "highest" functioning as these children do have speech and often can pass for a normally developing child, with mostly social issues.

Well today Lucas was given the label Classic Autism with mild to moderate retardation. Wow- I expected it but man it was still hard to hear :( My sweet little man will always be just that- my child. He will never grow into a strong and completely independent man. He will not attend college, and may never attend any "normal education" classes in school. I asked a lot of poignant questions like "Will he make much more progress as he is already 5 years old?" "Will he ever live independently- will he be able to work a part time grocery store sacker job?" Well the answer to all of these was No- most likely not. I asked these questions in all honesty to get his dad to listen and accept things as they are. Not pessimistic views (as he says I have) but REALISTIC views about our son's future.

I have known these things for quite some time and have accepted it and made peace with it. Dad has been in denial and still, until today, wanted me to leave his college money alone. Today after the appointment he said to go ahead and pull the money out of the college account. This, ladies and gentlemen, is what we counselors call a "break through moment". No more hiding- no more denial- the harsh cold reality is here and we may as well wrap our brains around it.

In a Reader's Digest condensed version of another dad topic, he has been not very flexible in keeping Lukey, always making childcare my concern, and often times taking vacation, staying in town and not keeping Lucas one night. I had enough and told him no more- we will follow state mandated visitation schedule and there will be no more one sided responsibility and no more it is your problem. It was long, long overdue and I am tired of playing nice with him about Lucas. I stood my ground and am so relieved and proud :) I did good, not only for Lucas but for myself as well.

Emma's 4th birthday

Hard to believe that my niece is 4 already! Her party was at Crossroads Bowling center and it was so much fun. To my surprise Lukey had so much fun! We had his 5th b-day party there in January and he cried through half of it. He had a ball at this party- maybe we will have a party for him and not tell him next time :) Emma got so much stuff for her birthday looked like Toys R Us moved in there! I gave her a shelf and a book as I knew she would get a lot of toys. She had fun and her little friends from day care came so that was fun to watch them bowl too. Lukey got a strike and several spares- he and Robert played 2 whole games and I was actually able to socialize and enjoy the first party I have brought Lukey to in forever- it was wonderful.

My wonderful life and the men in it :)

Ahhhhh yes, I am a lucky girl. I have long known this, but I really truly feel it these days in my life. I am blessed and lucky enough to have a wonderful, silly, handsome little boy in my life, who although he looks just like his daddy, acts like me :) My son is 100% unique- I can safely say there is no other quite like Lucas. He has the quirkiest things about him- he carries around random objects everyday- today it was an empty crayon box and a plastic tag off of a pricetag on a shirt. When people say what toys does he like- I tell them seriously- none- just the box it came in and the price tag- thanks!

I feel lucky to have such a unique and interesting child in my life. Is it hard- oh yes. Is it what I thought motherhood would be??? Noooooo but you know what- it is what it is- there is no changing it- and given the chance- not sure that I would change a thing :) He is my little rock and at the end of the day he is what I know is true, pure, and right with my life. He is such a blessing.

The other man in my life that I adore more than words can say is my wonderful Robert. Another blessing by far, and one I am grateful for every single day. It is very rare that I even venture to think about making huge life changes for any reason- but loving him is so easy and feels so right for myself and Lucas that it makes all these decisions easy. Where to live? Where to work? Where to send Lucas to school? I know if I pray about it all, God will lead me in the right path- He always does.

So long story short, I am very excited about spending my life with both of these wonderful and special men in my life. They both make me so very happy, and they both make my world go around every day. I envision a loving and happy future with us all together, and it feels so wonderfully warm and fuzzy to me. What will the details be? When will it all happen? Who knows- all I do know is that I am grateful to be loved, respected, admired, and appreciated. I love you both very, very much! XOXOXOXOXOX

More mother's day pics.......

Lucas learned how to use the camera yesterday- big mistake! Oh well- he loved it- he kept turning the camera around to shoot pics of me and himself- it was great free entertainment! He had a ball. I let him push the button and there were many pics of the wall, up my nose, etc....... I won't be sharing those :) We had the best weekend I can remember in a very long time. Got to spend a lot of quality time with my two favorite men in the whole wide world and lots of relaxing time with family as well. It was in a word to sum it up- an amazing "Robert" kind of weekend ;)

Happy Mother's Day!

Hope everyone has had half as wonderful of a mother's day as I have! Spent most of the weekend with my dear sweet mother and my wonderful son and boyfriend. Got some "mommy" time, went to church, took a nap, had a wonderful dinner last night with mom and everyone and the BIGGEST surprise was Becky's god daughter Rene getting engaged! What a perfect weekend!

I could not get Lukey to sit still to take a good picture- so I posted an old one from 2 Christmases ago- it is one of my faves! He is the best little boy a mommy could ever want! I AM A LUCKY LADY!

Bubbles, anyone?

Lukey got a gift that had a huge bubble wand in it and since he still does not know how to blow bubbles, he rubs them and places them on his mouth- then blows! Inventive huh??? Just glad they say non toxic all over the bottle! I could not catch him blowing them with his mouth but it is quite impressive. He is such a handsome, strapping young lad :)

Well I am officially done student teaching! Let the job interviews begin (hopefully!) Lots of positions open in Lumberton and around other districts- we shall see where I end up. So relieved it is almost over!

More top pweeze!

Aunt JJ gave Lukey a cool top for Easter and man is it annoying!!! He loves it though- you crank it up and it spins and lights up AND makes noise- an autistic boy's dream toy. He wasn't sure what to think of it initially, but he grew to love it very quickly.

For a mommy update, I am almost through student teaching and have applied for several teaching jobs- keep your fingers crossed that I get a job!!!!

Easter Egg time!

Well here are some pictures- I know- gasp!!! I took Lukey today to an Easter egg hunt at the park and we met Jan and Emma there. It was fun until he couldn't swing in the toddler swings and he got hot- but other than that he had fun. Rough patches the past two weeks with him adjusting to his new medication but he is getting there.

He had a ball dying Easter eggs though! I just boiled enough to put one egg into each color and he really enjoyed it. He hopped around like a bunny and squealed with delight! What more can a mommy ask for other than some sleep :)

Sleeping beauty :)

Daddy took this picture last night while he was sleeping- ahhhhhhh little angel when properly drugged and sleeping :) Who knew that just before he had a terrible meltdown and fell asleep screaming? Oh well at least he slept and did not wake up that way.

Gearing up for two Easter parties tomorrow at school with the pre-k kiddos. Fun times, fun times. I have filled more eggs that I care to count, decorated the room, made lists of party supplies, who has eggs, baskets, who does not..........whew I am tired already! It has been fun though and I will miss those kiddos when I am finished student teaching.

Hello strangers!

Well I have not been lost at sea or kidnapped by pirates- I have been soooooo busy! I am hoping life will calm down a bit soon so I can have time to keep up with everyone. Student teaching is almost over- been a busy semester! I am loving working with the little ankle biters in pre-K in Lumberton, and I am looking for a teaching job as we speak! I am so excited to start my new chapter in life.

Lucas is doing well- experiencing more frustration lately when he does not get his way- I think part of that is being 5 :) Things are good on the home front- family is good and boyfriend is great! I will catch everyone up very soon again I promise!

Long time, no blog..........

Hello- I know....... I know- no updates in weeks! Well I have been a bit busy with student teaching, working 3 days a week after school lets out, and working on the weekend. Oh yeah, and trying to have a life, raise an autistic child alone, and keep my household running- so before you gripe about my lack of blogging have pity on me, I beg of you!!!

All is well here- I am loving my student teaching and eating up these little ones. I am in a pre-k room and they are all 4-5 years old. Cute yes- devious oh hell yes! It has been quite the learning experience already! I will be there everyday until end of April- then I will be done with classes and papers etc., and I will have more time with Lukey and to catch up on sleep, going to the gym, etc. I am looking forward to finishing and looking for a job!

I hope everyone is doing well- I love and miss you all very much! Lukey is doing great- talking much more these days. He moved up to a higher functioning class and is doing great! I promise to try and keep yall updated better.