Well the results are in...........

.......... for both Lucas and myself. We shall start with Lucas......... I took him for a speech therapy evaluation today- he has not had one in about 3 years outside of school- so I was interested to see what the results would be. Well at 18 months he scored at about a 6-10 month old level for comprehension and speech output; he is now 4.5 years (or 52 months) old and he scored an average of 1.9 years (or 21 months old). Yes, progress has been made- yes he i still very far behind. It made me a little sad- not surprising yet a little sad. He is such a joy and I just hate for him how frustrated he gets in the difficulties that the autism causes for him on a daily basis- just does not seem fair at all. Oh well I will still love him with all my heart- nothing can change that.

Well I went back to the dr. today and he tells me I am anemic and that I am also severely low on Vit. B-12. He said that I needed to start B-12 shots daily for a week, then 1X a week for a month, then 1X a month thereafter. Wow- shots everyday- must have been low! I have been feeling tired all the time, lethargic, sleepy, no energy and at times having night sweats and tingliness in my fingers. He said all of these things can be caused by inadequate B-12 in the blood stream. I am hoping that I will start to feel better soon- I started the shots today so we shall see.......

Well the rest of this week will be busy as usual........ ABA therapy tomorrow, Th, and F for my little guy after school and then next week speech therapy on M and W. Never dull I tell you! I hope Lukey sleeps tonight- he slept well all weekend at daddy's house- lets hope the trend continues.......... I am nice and rested after a fun and relaxing weekend. I spent much of it with my man and we went to the Houston art museum and to dinner Saturday and then we went to his parents to eat lunch yesterday with his daughter and brother. It was nice to catch up on adult conversation and to get some much needed rest!

Looking forward to the weekend!

Well TGIF is all I have to say!!!! I am so ready for this weekend it is not even funny! I need a break from it all- from everything that has been stressing me out lately- Lamar, Lucas, boyfriend's stress rubbing off on me, all of it is so tiring. I am looking forward to spending the day with my honey then going to pick his daughter up at her house to come here for the weekend. It will be nice to get away- even if just for a few hours.
Well I spent much of the morning at my sister's house cleaning, organizing and de- cluttering. Mom and Mimi helped too- and of course my niece Emma was the biggest help by far! You ever been in a sinking boat and tried to get the water out with a small pail? Well that is how cleaning is when your 3 year old niece is going behind you and dumping everything out! Fun times...........
Well Lukey is still sleeping better thankfully- I hope this trend continues!

Crazy week........

I am usually better about blogging than I have been lately but still perplexed about this how to get my 4 year old son to sleep dilemma. I am heading to bed at early hours in order to get some zzzzzzzzzz's....... tomorrow if I am rested I am volunteering my services to clean the Madaffri residence (aka my sister's house!) She started working FT about a year ago and she also has recently started online courses and is married and has a precious (yet precocious) almost 3 year old......... so anyway I am off work tomorrow so I offered to help- aren't I nice!??!!? Just glad I can help out........
So anyway Lukey is blissfully asleep for now :) I am sure that ill change soon enough so off to bed I go. I have a busy day tomorrow as usual....... volunteering, mowing the yard, picking Lukey up from school, therapy- etc. too much to do too little time! Starting next week we are adding speech therapy to Lukey's already packed schedule. We have seen a drop off in improvements in ABA therapy over the past 3-4 months and we are hoping that speech therapy will help him start communicating more. I am excited about it- it has been a while since we have done speech outside of school so I am hoping this time around, since he is talking more, he will do well. Wish us luck!

It is official.............. I have lost my mind!

I am returning to the drudges of college life again.............. yikes................... starting in June. I can't believe it- but it is all good. For a great cause- to be able to wok FT and be with my little man after school and on weekends/holidays. I will be done in about a year and then I will start begging schools to hire me! Still can't believe what I am doing- who needs free time???
So proud of my sister- she just returned to school as well- go Jan!!!!!!!!! Who would have thought it? You go girl!
Well on the Lukey front he is blissfully asleep for the moment and I am heading that way too. We are trying a sleep aide along with the Rx the dr. put him on so I hope it helps him sleep better. I will keep yall posted!!

Beautiful Sunday

Well today the weather finally cleared up after days on end of rain- it was so nice to see the sun again! Lucas and I went to McDonald's for breakfast and then to church with Yaya and Mimi- he did great at Sunday school today! They started a special needs class and he started attending it a couple of weeks ago- this was the first time though without me in there and he did great. I am so glad to have found people to work with kiddos like mine who really understand it and are there to help.
The message today at church really touched my heart- that God has a great and complex plan for all of our lives and that if we just will do it (whatever God intends) then we will be OK. I have questioned things and asked many times am I doing the right things for Lukey? How will the future play out? Well only God knows that answer- all I know is obviously he wanted Lucas in my life for a reason and therefore my future will be forever changed due to this fact. And I think for the firs time I am really ok with that............... it's about time!
Lucas said Mommy about 100 X today- it melts my heart! I am so glad that he is talking more since he has started this new medication- thank you God! If we could get the sleeping under control we would be golden..........

Fun day at the Shorkey center....

Lucas, my mom, Mimi, my sister Jan and Lukey's cousin Emma all went to the Shorkey Center for family fun day today. It was fun- Lucas did not want to leave. We stayed 3 hours- way past how long I thought he would tolerate it. He did bean bag tosses, played outside, painted a t-shirt, decorated a hat and went on a pony ride. He had a great time! There were not too many people there as it was raining but it was still fun. He really enjoyed watching the clowns make balloon animals- he stood and watched them for over an hour.

I will keep yall posted about the sleep issue- yes it is still an issue :( I will be glad to report when it is a faint memory!

The roller coaster ride, called my life, continues.....

Man oh man do I hate autism!!!!!!!!! I would love for my son to have one day in his life where he is content and happy and not frustrated and could sleep all night. What I would give for that! He is still lethargic on this new medication and although it has provided some relief from meltdowns and improved his sleep he is still awake several hours a night..........it is so frustrating! His dad and I both are so worn out. No one is getting any rest and it is wearing us all down. Called the dr. and he said to d/c one medication and start another- when will this cycle end???? Never I am afraid.......
So on top of all of this stress at home, I am also stressed out in my own life......... school starts soon for me- how I ask am I going to do homework and take care of Lucas all summer and not sleep!?!?!??! And I have been psychoanalyzing my relationship with m boyfriend way too much- always asking if he loves me.............I think I am losing my little mind. Too much to process all at once- I need a vacation!
All I can do is trust that God has not put more on me than I can handle and that this too shall pass and everything will improve with time.

Fun in the tub- little man is feeling better :)

Hello all- well we are on the mend- the new medication is working beautifully I am pleased to say! He is not as lethargic as last week and he is having fewer meltdowns at school and almost none at home..... Thank you God!!! Man for a while it was very bad- I am talking 20-30 meltdowns a day over God only knows what! So the 2-3 a day is MUCH better to say the least. He is sleeping better too and we are no longer having to sleep in his room just to get some rest. Now if he would only sleep all night and not wake up every night at 1100 that would be great!

Well we are trying out a new routine in the evenings to help make the time go by faster and to make the evening routine more fun. We are playing outside any day that it is not raining and staying out there until about 530 pm and then coming in and taking a bath. He is enjoying all the extra swing time so he loves it. He played in the tub for almost an hour Monday night- I grabbed the colander out of the kitchen and he made it "rain" and fed me bath toys- yummy! So glad to have my little guy feeling more like his old self again!

Happy Easter everyone!

Well thank God we have him in our lives as our Creator and Redeemer- there are so many times I can't even imagine what to do so I turn to Him for strength, guidance and wisdom. Happy Easter- always remember what He had done for us.

Now onto the bunnies, candy, pictures and fun........Lukey went to church with his dad this morning and I went to church with my mom and Mimi. It was wonderful- the music was great at Calvary in Beaumont. We went to lunch then to get my boy- he was so handsome- wish I had gotten more pics of him in his Sunday clothes- we got them dirty upon getting home so we had to change....... oh well. He enjoyed all the candy that was in his baskets- too much in fact. I had to hide the Easter baskets finally because he would open an egg and say more candy over and over...... until I finally hid them while he was in the tub. He played with his other goodies too like bubbles, cars, color books, and of course the grass out of the baskets.

Overall the medication has been very helpful- he started it on Thursday and he is calm and having very few meltdowns throughout the day. He is sleeping better too- which is the main objective! We shall see if it continues to help- I sure hope so.

Better day today!

Yeah drugs! Lucas started his new medication last night and boy was he a different kiddo today! We still woke up 3 X last night but it was still better than the past week prior to that, so I will take it. He was so sweet and laughed all day- did not get grumpy until bath time his daddy reports. He actually took a nap today for 45 minutes!!!!!!!! Lucas you ask??? The kid who has not taken ONE nap in a year!??!?!?!? Yes, that child took a nap today and woke up acting like he felt wonderful. What a difference a day makes- I am off to bed for some much needed sleep after sending him to daddy's house and having a girl's night out to help celebrate my friend Beneal's 30th b-day. Nite nite!

Exhausted but it is getting better.....

OKso we started the Risperdol last night on my sweet boy, and it made him act really strange. It is usually prescribed as an antipsychotic drug but I swear it made him act crazy. He licked the walls, sheets, me, himself, antyhing he could get that tongue on- really weird. Tried to take him to the ER and there were about 50 people there so we went home. Went back to the dr. today and changed to another medication Tenex- usually used for ADHD or blood pressure in higher doses. He fell asleep with no fight at 630! Praise the Lord! I hope that this will help us ALL get some sleep!

Ahhhhhhhhhh.............drugs............

Well I went to the pediatrician for the 435,678 th time this year! to see what was wrong with my boy- sadly nothing was physically wrong that he could see so we chocked it up to good old autism symptoms. I told him that we have an appointment in June to get him on medications for sleep but we needed. SLEEP. NOW! So he finally gave me a Rx for Risperdol. I was soooooooooo excited I was about to pop! I am nervous about it but overall I am very happy to know that we may finally start seeing some zzzzzzzzzz's around here! I am trying it tonight for the first time so I will let you know how he does. It is getting bad.... lots of singing t him, bribery with candy, etc. to get him into bed..... then waking up at 12-3 and crying, screaming- sounds fun huh? Well feel free to join in- standing invites for anyone willing to come baby sit!

Tired, worried, frustrated...........

I appreciate all of those who are putting up with my incessant bitching these days! I am so tired from lack of sleep, worrying all the time about Lukey and trying all I can to figure out what is wrong with him. Is he being 4? Is he just being autistic? Is he sick still? I don't know- all I know is there is nothing more stressful in the world than worrying about your kids. He seems ok whenever he gets his way- he has been more demanding over the past 3 weeks than in his entire life. Something has gotta give and soon or I will be in a mental hospital :( Pray that we figure all of this out soon!

Thank God it is Sunday!!!!

Well I am thanking God it is Sunday for several reasons: 1. Obvious one- it is the day to serve the Lord, 2. Tomorrow is Monday which means my little man goes back to school :) Yeah- he has been so out of sorts so much lately it is grating on my last nerve truly it is. He was so grouchy today- did not help that he woke up at 4:55 am this morning then stayed up all day.... he went to sleep tonight at 645 pm! Poor little guy- must have been tired from all the complaining he did today! We went to church this am and he cried non stop- did not want to be in that Sunday school class at all. The teachers in there were unfamiliar with him and were zero help in trying to understand him. I left with him after staying in there with him for an hour and upon leaving realized that they just started a special needs Sunday school class and we went to that one. It was great- there were only 4 kids in there and most of them were autistic boys. It will be a perfect fit once he gets used to it. We will try it again in a couple of weeks. It is nice to know there is somewhere to take your kids that people understand them and love them for who they are.
Another set of people who love Lucas and I as we are are my wonderful boyfriend and his family. I brought Lucas over to Mark's parent's home and he cried and complained most of the 2 hours we were there- but they made us feel welcome, let me do whatever I needed to do to make him happy and were (as always) so understanding. I am so appreciative for the love that his family gives me I can't even express it. I never thought I would find a man to love me and my son the way that he and his family have- I love you guys!!!!
On a very different other note- Lucas pooped a little in the tub tonight and freaked out wanting me to get it out of the water. Coincidentally my friend LeeAnne posted this cute video of this very subject today on her blog so I had to copy it on here- it may gross you out but I found it very humorous! http://www.flowgo.com/funny/4175_splish-splash-baby.html

Well I am still kickin'.......check out Lukey pics!!!

I survived yesterday thankfully- Lucas had some tummy issues so he stayed home from school but he was better today so off to school he went. H is going through a very rebellious defiant stage right now that I hear happens when one is 4 years old :) Autistic or not..... the only difference is we don't hear screaming and I want that toy or I want that candy- it is just screaming! Fun times...... can't wait for it to end. I have taped words all over the house to let him choose a video or what to eat or what activity he wants to do- and yesterday was the first day we have used it all day. Well he did not like mommy not reading his mind. I am trying my darnedest to get him to communicate his needs whether they are communicated verbally or by handing me a card with a word on it. He did not like this system- but oh well- my mom made me do a lot of things I did not want to do and I am a better person for it. I sure hope that this works so we can try to potty train again in summer time- I am ready- not sure that he is.
I am feeling better today- my doctor increased my happy pills and I am sleeping well and feeling better- thanks to all of you for your concerns! Well I am off to work then to pick Lucas up early from school to give him some downtime before therapy this afternoon......... always busy, always..............

I had to come back and edit this post after all Lukey did this afternoon. He was told at therapy today to feed the baby- Lucas picked the bottle up and put it in the doll's mouth! Then he asked repeatedly to "Feed baby" at therapy then many times after we came home. He also hugged an kissed her- too sweet! Then he force fed her by ramming the bottle in her mouth- oh well! I see a doll in Lukey's future!

Autism, autism, autism.......

Another autistic's child's mommy wrote this on Facebook yesterday- it sums up m life sometimes. Tomorrow is autism awareness day and all I want to do is ban it from the universe. There are so many things my baby boy could have besides autism; things that will shorten his life, make him be very ill, etc. that could be far worse yes- but I just came home from the dr. and he told me I am most likely having anxiety symptoms, not hormone or heart related ones....... autism sums up about 99% of my daily anxiety.

For those of you who have kids- can you imagine them being 4.5 year and not being able to tell you ANYTHING????? Nothing- from I am hungry, I have a headache, my throat hurts, I don't want to go to school, I want a PB and J for lunch- NOTHING- that is my life with my son. He is so frustrated all the time as he is intelligent, he knows what he wants and what he likes but he can't ever convey it to anyone. He cries and screams a lot- w go to the dr. alot to see what is wrong..... I just can't figure it out sometimes- and I tell you if I can't tell no one usually can.

I love my son, but oh how I hate that he is autistic. This horrible thing has stolen my precious baby boy and has put him in a bind- almost as if he has a permanent wedge/barrier between his thoughts and his mouth- they simply do not connect. We have been working so vigilantly for the past 2.5 years and he has made some progress yes, but far more needs to happen for him to eve have a normal life. We have almost $10 K saved for college- why I ask? Why save it if he can't ever follow two step directions or learn to not stim all day long. I pray I am wrong, but so afraid I am not.......

Anyway I had a lot of blood work done today and I am getting some physical things rules out but overall I think it is stress related. The dr. increased my "happy pills" and I hope that will help. This stress is killing me obviously- I need to get it together to be able to take care of my son..... he needs me. I simply can't ever die :) I have to be here to continue to take care of him, to advocate for him- to give him the best life possible. Please keep us in your prayers... tomorrow is another day.