Another autistic's child's mommy wrote this on Facebook yesterday- it sums up m life sometimes. Tomorrow is autism awareness day and all I want to do is ban it from the universe. There are so many things my baby boy could have besides autism; things that will shorten his life, make him be very ill, etc. that could be far worse yes- but I just came home from the dr. and he told me I am most likely having anxiety symptoms, not hormone or heart related ones....... autism sums up about 99% of my daily anxiety.
For those of you who have kids- can you imagine them being 4.5 year and not being able to tell you ANYTHING????? Nothing- from I am hungry, I have a headache, my throat hurts, I don't want to go to school, I want a PB and J for lunch- NOTHING- that is my life with my son. He is so frustrated all the time as he is intelligent, he knows what he wants and what he likes but he can't ever convey it to anyone. He cries and screams a lot- w go to the dr. alot to see what is wrong..... I just can't figure it out sometimes- and I tell you if I can't tell no one usually can.
I love my son, but oh how I hate that he is autistic. This horrible thing has stolen my precious baby boy and has put him in a bind- almost as if he has a permanent wedge/barrier between his thoughts and his mouth- they simply do not connect. We have been working so vigilantly for the past 2.5 years and he has made some progress yes, but far more needs to happen for him to eve have a normal life. We have almost $10 K saved for college- why I ask? Why save it if he can't ever follow two step directions or learn to not stim all day long. I pray I am wrong, but so afraid I am not.......
Anyway I had a lot of blood work done today and I am getting some physical things rules out but overall I think it is stress related. The dr. increased my "happy pills" and I hope that will help. This stress is killing me obviously- I need to get it together to be able to take care of my son..... he needs me. I simply can't ever die :) I have to be here to continue to take care of him, to advocate for him- to give him the best life possible. Please keep us in your prayers... tomorrow is another day.
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