An end to an era.................

The era of Mark and Jill that is. We broke up again this morning..... starting to feel like as Jill's World Turns ya know??? This time felt different- it felt very final. In some ways I am relieved- in others I am very sad. He is not in a good place now in his life career wise, money wise, etc. and he is very down about that understandably, but it has definitely effected our relationship in a negative manner. But even before that he was pulling away, seemed to not want to come see me as often, no more sweet romantic cards or notes, no calls for no reason- it just seemed my feelings for him remained the same and his changed.
I loved him and I still do- but some things I suppose are just not meant to be. There is too much of an age or "generation" gap between us- boy does 11 years make a difference! I feel young and vibrant- he is older and set in his ways. We were never going to have a long term relationship down the road and I knew that in my heart- I just kept hoping that one day that would change somehow.
I want what his parents have- a loving, long marriage that you know he is the one and it will last truly until death do you part. I miss being married- just not to my ex hubby :) I want that again in my life, not just for me, but also for Lucas. I am determined that God has some wonderful man in store for me and that I will find him, eventually. Right now I am just going to focus on my son, going back to school, and losing a few pounds to get healthier.
Tom and C- I just want you to know that I love you both and I am as heartbroken about losing you in my life as I am about losing Mark. I hate it for so many reasons- but you know I always appreciated how you both accepted my son and I into your home and your hearts with understanding, nurture, patience, and love as if we were family. I will truly miss that and all of you.
Of course Mark did not want me to write anything on here about this- but I have to- I have to talk openly about my life and how things are in it- besides he never reads it anyway! Oh well- one thing I have learned is that I am a strong and determined woman, and unless my friends, sister, mother, and everyone else are lying to me- I hear I am pretty and a catch to have.... the hang up is I need to find a man who appreciates me 100% for who I am and loves me even more. I am doing ok- this was a long time coming- I just don't think either of us wanted to admit it. I hope that we can stay friends- maybe with time..........